Existence

It's the middle of the night. And I am listening to Alex Turner's 'Stuck on a Puzzle' on a loop. And I am wondering.

Wondering why I am here. Wondering what I am supposed to do. Sleep? I guess. Exercise (the next day)? Definitely. Travel? For sure.

But more than that - what am I supposed to do in this world?

Yes, I know. It's that existential question. I am sorry I have nothing better to offer. But I would appreciate some answers. Wherever they come from. Whoever they come from.

Am I here to make my life better? The life that my mother give birth to. The life that she went through morning sickness, pain, and physical enlargement and contraction to create.

Am I here to make my family's lives better? The lives that came before and after me. My parents, my little brother - the lives of the people I love more than my own. The people who could take my organs if they wanted them.

Am I here to make my friends' lives better? The people who look to me for advice and support and revelry. The people I look to for validation and the assurance that I am all that I am supposed to be.

Am I here to make the world better? The lives of people I know and don't know. People I have met, spoken to, lived with. Or people who I have come in contact with in passing - people who have told me their deepest, innermost secrets, but that otherwise I know nothing about. Or the people I haven't met - the people who are pulling on, getting by, existing, but whose existence I am not conscious of.

What am I here to do?

I don't know, but I would appreciate some answers. I am stuck on a puzzle.

Comfort

What does it take to be comfortable in your own skin?

Learning A Language

I am learning Japanese.

I used to think I was good at languages. I even prided myself on being a polyglot - after all, I do speak four languages (I should probably clarify that three of those are Indian languages).

Then I started learning Japanese. And I don't think I am good at languages anymore. Don't mistake me - this is not a self-pitying rant. I just realized how much I had underestimated the efforts that go into learning a new language. There are multiple barriers that one must cross to be able to master any new skill, languages not excluded. Japanese put my linguistic arrogance to bed.

Japanese is a very contextual language. What words mean literally may not be what they mean in a particular context. This characteristic makes it rather difficult to understand what you are learning, because a lot of Japanese phraseology cannot be translated literally into your primary language. To give you an example, an approximation of the literal meaning of 'yoroshiku onegaishimasu' is 'please take care of me'. However, if you end an email with the phrase, you are saying 'yours sincerely'. In contrast, you could also use the same phrase when you meet someone for the first time, in which case you are saying 'nice to meet you'.

Phew! Is it just me or was that mind-boggling? How to use what terms in what context is an integral aspect of learning Japanese.

Interestingly enough, modern Japanese society is staunchly non-violent. The Japanese Constitution officially renounces the country's right to declare war - probably the only country in the world to have done so. And the language reflects this societal repulsion to violence and confrontation.

In all my time here, I have not heard a single person yell or scream at anyone else. Living in Bombay teaches you to get used to the human cacophony that is a trademark of life there - fishwives hawking their wares, children accosting each other across their gully cricket pitch, taxi drivers talking to each other from opposite ends of the road. When I first came to Tokyo, the thing that struck me most was the utter lack of noise. Not vehicular noise, or the noise of trains rumbling past, or the noise of people eating in a restaurant. What struck me was the lack of noise in everyday conversation. The people here are polite, soft-spoken, graceful in speech. How do they do that?! I attribute some of it to the magic of their language.

My (neophytic) impression is that the Japanese language has strong foundations in politeness, honour and general good behaviour. I read somewhere that the absolute worst cuss word in everyday Japanese means 'idiot', and that the etymology of that word goes back to the 14th century!

The process of learning Japanese has taught me patience. Not just in everyday speech, but also in behaviour and attitude and thought. It is akin to meditation for me. I do not expect to be proficient in Japanese when I am ready to leave for India, but I do hope to have evolved into a more patient (and hopefully, more graceful) person. I think the Japanese language has that power.